No… the title is not a typo. The Sexodus is something that people claim is a real thing.
First, let’s get one thing out of the way: “Sexodus” is a ridiculous-sounding name. I’m glad I didn’t come up with it. I strongly debated to myself about whether I should talk about something like this on my blog. The “My Thoughts…” sections are usually for more concrete things, rather than ideas. In fact, the Sexodus might not even be a real thing. Additionally, this may be a little bit too personal, as it (at first glance) seemed to share my ideas on things like marriage and relationships. But I believe this topic is ripe for discussion and debate. I’ll first explain what it is, and then follow with my own thoughts and experiences.
I first stumbled across “The Sexodus” in a forum thread discussing marriage. The exact details of that thread are irrelvant. But this name sounded so strange that I had to look it up. So, let me first start by explaining what it is. The “Sexodus” is a growing trend among males to move away from relationships with women and society. In general, men who follow this trend opt to live solitary lives, avoid dating and marriage and leave their jobs. They instead spend a lot of time alone or online. They save as much money as they need to sustain them and be able to live with simple pleasures. And if you’re curious about sexual desires, those will usually come from more specialized fetish pornography, an industry that has been growing for quite a while now.
Upon doing some research, I stumbled across the actual movement called “Men Going Their Own Way”, or MGTOW for short. I decided to dig a little deeper and see what was going on. If you want, you can listen to a podcast that talks about this movement in more detail here. But I’ll save you the trouble and give you an overview of what it is. MGTOW is an echo chamber for self-loathing, women-hating single males. They have a forum, which I will not link to because I do not believe they deserve any attention. But the forum is filled with disturbing messages on how these individuals have been betrayed by women.
However, what’s even worse is that the “levels” of conformity to MGTOW are extremely detrimental. The people in this movement refuse to have long-lasting relationships with women. They also refuse to take part in society, and isolate themselves entirely. This includes society from a financial standpoint. They won’t only refuse to earn more money than they actually need, but refuse to spend money on others. They think the goverment and society is stacked against them and therefore do not deserve their support.
The podcast I link attacks this movement, and for good reason. It’s unhealthy, unsafe, and just outright selfish. People from this movement say that their dream is to play video games all day long and be spoon-fed by a woman for the rest of their lives. That is no way to live.
I did a little more research, trying to find out why this trend is growing and there are some pretty appealing reasons. I’d like to add that this applies to the US. It might apply to other countries in the world too, but the only data I could find was for the US. So it might be worth taking this with a pinch of salt.
Additionally, I will also say that the most information I could find comes from Breitbart, a “news” organization with terrible journalism and sensationalism in the first place. You’ll even see from the points below, how they attack feminism. But bare with me for a moment while I discuss their arguments and then share my thoughts on them.
- Divorce can financially wreck a person: Given that in a divorce, the female receives 50% of the total wealth, and the male receives another 50%, a problem can arise for people with unequal incomes. In families where both partners are earning a similar amount, it might not be a problem. However, in families where the wife stays at home to take care of the kids, the husband provides all the financial backing. A divorce would see him lose a lot of his financial net worth.
- The cost of living is rising: Everyone is experiencing this right now. The value of money is dropping, with salaries dropping, but costs of basic ammenities going up.
- Women seem to be giving up on monogamy: Nowadays, it is very common for a woman to have had several sexual partners before “settling down”. They see a marriage as a legal hurdle to raise kids.
- Rise of gender-equality: With more women in the workplace, they are now competing against men for similar jobs. This means that men have a harder time of finding high-paying jobs. It, in-turn, makes it difficult for them to build up savings and a retirement fund.
- Risk of Humiliation: Nowadays, interactions between people is a really touchy subject, especially with the rise of the #MeToo campaign, causing several celebrities to have sexual harrassment claims against them. With the rise of false rape claims, a man can lose their entire career on an interaction that had no ill-meaning, or a woman acting out of malice.
I’d like to address these points as a whole before I talk about my own experiences. These arguments are typical Breitbart material. It panders to the standard insecure male very effectively.
But I believe there is a strong connection between these arguments. The rise of feminism has meant that more women are entering the workplace and competing with men for these jobs. As with anything with supply and demand, the value of these jobs go down, and pays drop. This, combined with the increasing cost of living means that men have very little money to save for their retirement. If they were to divorce (which has a 50% chance of happening), they’d be financially ruined and have their retirements taken away from them. Given the fact that women prefer to not be monogamous, it’s fairly terrifying. Think of it this way: a marriage basically gives you a 50% chance to lose half your life’s savings. Would you take the risk?
As far as MGTOW goes, I’m okay with self-loathing, woman-hating people forming their own echo chamber and isolating themselves from society. I think of it this way: if they’re not in society, then there’s a good chance no female is going to end up with them. It works out better for women in the long run. It gives women access to better quality men in the long run. And these people don’t get to procreate and share their twisted ideals, thus removing themselves from the gene pool. I see it as a win-win situation.
The other thing I want to emphasize is that while feminism may have had a helping hand in creating less jobs for men, it’s really stupid to point the finger at it. Blaming a movement that is responsible for good (gender equality) because it is harder to find jobs is just selfish. Note that “feminism”, here is the drive by “feminists” for gender equality. Equal wages. Equal job opportunities. Fairness for all. Everything that I stand for. Not the people that I like to call “feminazis”, the so-called “feminists” that push towards complete gender oppression by women against men, and even condone gender culling. You’ll find these people on Tumblr, saying ridiculous stuff like that. Don’t fall into that trap.
Additionally, if men are unable to adapt to find new jobs, that’s on them. I find the lack of work men can find an issue that they need to deal with. It’s simply a survival of the fittest, and right now, women are getting the better end of the bargain. The men that want women to “return back to the house” are those that lack the self-confidence in themselves. They lack the abilities to compete. So as a result, they throw a tantrum, form a group like MGTOW, and retreat from society because they’ve given up. Absolute cowardice.
Now that I’m done with MTGOW, I’d like to talk about potential solutions that may not entirely fix the problem, but should serve as a good start. Again, this looks at the US legal system and may not apply in other countries. These are:
- A gender-equal justice system: Right now, the legal system favours females when it comes to rape allegations, alimony, child support, child custody and divorce. For example, a woman is much more likely to gain custody of the children in a divorce than the man. This causes problems like we currently see.
- Abolish affirmative action: As for right now, companies favor women for some job positions purely because they are female. This is in line with company policies to “increase diversity and gender equality” and I think it is ridiculous. Companies should hire a person based on their skills and qualifications. Not because they are male or female.
Now, onto why this hit so close to home with me. When I first found about this this “Sexodus”, it was eerily similar to changes that I have been planning to make in my life. It was my intent to quit to current job as an engineer at some point in the future. My plan was to quit, move out and follow my interests and let them provide me with the source of financial stability. I intended on streaming video games on Twitch, glassworking, and tutoring math. Never, in the equation, did a marriage come into play. In fact, I am sure that if I were to magically be married tomorrow, I would be revising that plan with much more detail and care taken towards financial stability.
First, I want to talk about my career change. I do intend on writing up a long “My Thoughts On…” post on careers, but for now, a quick paragraph will have to suffice. I never once thought “careers are stacked against me, therefore I quit”. My reason to quit is much simpler: I don’t enjoy my job. It pays well, and I work on rotation, but I can say I’m pretty much miserable while I work. I’d rather do things that I enjoy, and make money off of them. Streaming video games and glassworking are my real interests. Giving the big middle-finger to corporations and society is not my goal.
But I also understand the importance of giving back to society, which is where my tutoring comes into play. I have a passion for math and I want to share that with other people, especially at a young age. If I am able to ignite a spark of curiousity in a child, then I’m happy.
As far as finances go, my goal is to be financially independent, with or without a partner. My goal is to analyze my finances, figure out what my expenditures are, and then work the finances and budget accordingly so I can lead a comfortable life. Now, if I get married, those numbers change. It does not mean that I refuse to spend money on my wife because she “wants to leech off of me”, an argument that MGTOW makes.
Marriage is a little more of a complicated issue. As it is already clear, I do not see myself being married at any point in time in the future. However, the reasons are quite different to the reasons MGTOW members or the Breitbart article provide. I’m not afraid of financial ruin, because I have the financial stability I require from a well-paying job. Even without the job, I have a strong financial foundation. I’m also not afraid of divorce in the first place. I’d like to think that I’m a good judge of character. Especially when picking someone that would be my to-be wife. I’d like to think that I’d know whether we’d make a great couple. So those are all moot points. A marriage would be a no-brainer for me.
And don’t get me wrong, there is nothing that I want more in life than to get married. If some magical being were to come up to me and tell me that I could get married, right now, to the perfect girl, I’d be all for it. But that is where the issue lies: “the perfect girl”.
My standards are way too high and my expectations might be borderline absurd. Some people might say that instead of “high standards”, I should say “specific standards”. No. I mean “high standards”. A specific standard would be something like “long blonde hair” or “blue eyes”, all which I certainly prefer in a girl. However, I have “high standards” as well.
I’m looking for a girl that is brave, strong, independent, kind, humble, respectful (to both, herself and everyone else), loyal, compassionate, smart with a great sense of humour. Someone who always stays positive, optimistic and hopeful, even under the most dire circumstances. I’m not looking for a housewife to do my laundry or cook my food. I can do those myself. I’m looking for a partner. Someone who is there for me, who I can be there for in life. For the rest of our lives. Loyal to each other, and love each other forever. Those traits are a positive, regardless of who has them. And people without those traits and objectively less appealing (I want to say “worse”) than people with those traits.
Arranged marriages are the norm in the culture over here. In fact, dating is strongly frowned upon. Looking at the criteria for what makes a man appealing in an arranged marriage, I’d like to think that I fit the bill fairly well. I might be missing a few points on the “looks good” part, but all-in-all, I think I’d do fine.
But I do not believe that in the little time I could spend with a girl to get to know her better under an arranged marriage setup, that I would be able to decide whether she would be right for me. I refuse to settle for anyone less than what I believe I deserve. And likewise, I believe it would be unfair for the girl if she were to end up with someone (like me) that she is not happy with. Sometimes, societal or financial pressures have a weird way about them and can force people into making decisions they later regret. Sometimes, girls choose to get married out of desperation due to these pressures imposed on them. And the last thing I want to be is the reason for someone’s regret. Especially my wife.
On the subject of regret, I did a post last month on it, which you can read here. The crux of the matter is that I have no regrets in my life. I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made throughout my life – good or bad. And I refuse to make a decision (like marriage) that will have me regretting it later.
I’ve gone through my whole life without regret and I’d like to not start now, thank you very much. In fact, I’d like a similar thing to apply to my future wife too. If asked if she would change anything in her relationship with me, or even her life, I’d like her answer to be “no” because she’s happy with where she ended up. I want to strive to be the perfect husband for my wife. But that can only happen if I’m 100% onboard, and I frankly don’t see it unless I find a girl that meets my standards.
What I’m saying is that in a marriage, I am well aware that I will be making sacrifices. That’s what a relationship is, and that’s what makes it amazing. Two people, acting selfessly for the benefit of the other. But it only work if both people are onboard, and working towards that common goal. In essence, I want the girl to be worth it. I refuse to settle for someone that may make me miserable a few years down the line. And I’m perfectly willing to live the rest of my life alone if I don’t meet this perfect girl.
Just a bit of a side note: it’s something I’ve had to come to terms with. I accept it. While it may be non-ideal outcome for me, I’m fine with it. I don’t have self-pity, because I’m happy with who I am, what I do and where I want to be compared to where I am now. I have a positive outlook on my life, regardless of whether it is with or without a partner. A (perfect) partner would just make my life better. A partner is not requirement for me to live a good life. I’m more in the boat of “if I were to get married, that would be really awesome. But if I don’t, I’m fine with that too”.
The thought of me living the end of my days alone was something I struggled with for a long time. It’s a terrifying narrative that you play in your head, knowing that you will die at some point and there will be no one around you. Even more terrifying is how you start to play all the potential scenarios as to how that might happen. Injury? Illness? Crime? But I’ve come to terms with it and I’ve accepted it for what it is. I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life, than the settle with someone that is less than perfect, that will make me miserable. And even then, there’s no guarantee that she will stay when the going gets tough. Difficult times are a true test of a relationship. You don’t see couples divorce when things are going great.
So there are my views on my current lifestyle choices and on marriage. If I do end up getting married in the future, I’ll definitely write up another post (if this blog is still around) and share my comparisons between what I thought it was and what it really is. I’m pretty sure there are things I’m way off about.
Upon reading up some more on this Sexodus, I found someone that really nailed the issue at hand. They said this:
Is love lost? Nah, dudes are just sick of doing all the giving in relationships.
All of the “girl power!” going on emphasizes personal satisfaction over compromise and selflessness in relationships. Why should a man want to spend his time and resources and protection on a woman who refuses to love him in the ways he wants to be loved (ie: sex, deference, respect, etc etc)?
I’m sure if dudes could find women who were in good faith willing to offer the above things, they’d be thrilled to fall in love and marry and stuff.
And that’s not to say that it’s always the men that give and the women that take. There are many women out there that put their hearts into a relationship, only to get abused by their male counterparts. The argument goes both ways.
So, at the end of the day, is this Sexodus real? I’m not too sure. There certainly is data to back it up. But what about me? Am I headed down this same path? Yes, but I think it is for a completely different reason and backed by a completely different sentiment. A reason which lies somewhat in my control, but not really. A sentiment that’s more of an “oh well” rather than hate, or malice. I’m fine with that. At least… I think I am. Only time will tell.
So what are your thoughts about this Sexodus? Do you think it is real? Do you agree with the trend? What do you think should be done? What arguments do you have for or against it? Let me know in the comments!